I have been married 19 years and I have two children from this marriage. My husband and I dated in high school and marriage seemed like the next step. I was 20 and he was 22 when we got married. At the time we married, we were both in love or what we thought was love. Everything was great until we had kids and then things just started changing. I am by no means perfect and don’t expect perfection but he is not the same person that I married and granted I’m not the same person he married but it seems that I keep making sacrifices and trying to make things work and though he keeps saying he will do better, he eventually goes back to his old ways. The kids are not happy (no I did not turn them against their father; they made their own minds up about him).
I don’t mean to sound like I’m perfect, I certainly have my faults as does everyone but, I feel I have gone above and beyond in this relationship. My husband does not respect me plain & simple. He doesn’t like to be wrong and is good at making me feel stupid and beneath him. I know the whole “I take the to be my lawful wedded husband/wife, in sickness & in health, for richer or poorer, for better or for worse, till death do us part.” I know how important those words are when I said those and I meant those when I said them but I also feel it has to work both ways (he has to be willing to accept those vows as well). He tells me he loves me and I believe he does in his own way and as much as he is capable of. However, I’m not happy. Here’s why: He never spends time with US as a family. It’s always about what he wants. He is perfectly content with things how they are and has no desire to move forward. I on the other hand am left with all the responsibilities (aside from bringing home the income, he does nothing). I do all the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, helping with homework, watching movies with the children (quality time) and he does nothing.
His evening consists of locking himself in his office with his beer and his computer and shutting the rest of us out. I know his job is stressful and that may be his way of dealing with it but, I have a stressful job as well but I can’t neglect my responsibilities. This is by no means a justification for what I did just trying to give you guys some insight as to what I’m dealing with. NOW here is the clincher (you guys knew this was coming didn’t you?)
To make a long story short, I had an affair with my husband’s best friend (yes I know, totally unacceptable, but it is done and I can’t change that). It was only a one time deal but it happened nonetheless. It wasn’t just about the sex for me, I had known this guy for over a year and we had talked about me being unhappy and he knew the situation I was having. I started having feelings for him and foolishly I told him this. We had the one time encounter and then he decided he couldn’t persue a relationship with his best friend’s wife so he ended it. The problem is that I LOVE HIM and I don’t know what to do about it. I know what happened between us should never have happened but it did and I can’t change that. I also can’t help what I feel. We both want the same things in life only I’m willing to take the chance and he isn’t. I didn’t go looking for this to happen, I didn’t plan for this to happen and it hasn’t happened again since. The fact is I don’t know what I should do about it. How do you get over someone you love?
Regardless of what comes of my relationship or lack thereof with this guy, my relationship with my husband remains the same. I have tried talking to him, he gets better for a while but it’s only temporary. I don’t know if divorce is the answer even though my kids are also unhappy with the way things are. I think sometimes people marry the wrong person with all good intentions but it doesn’t always work out the way you planned. Sometimes we settle instead of waiting for the right person and then the right person comes along and we are already taken. There is no excuse for what I did. Vows are marital laws, just as the Ten Commandments are God’s
Laws and any other laws we live by, they will be broken because we are humans and we are weak and we choose to make decisions that aren’t always the right ones. I wasn’t trying to hurt my husband; I was trying to fill the emptiness I was feeling. Maybe it’s selfishness but I needed to feel loved and appreciated. Some people feel that women are supposed to be everything for their man and expect nothing in return. Maybe that’s okay for some but not for me. I think marriage or any relationship should be about give & take equally. I do everything in my power to make him happy and only want to be appreciated and respected, not treated like I’m here for his benefit.